“When I stopped seeing my mother with the eyes of a child, I saw the woman who helped me give birth to myself.” -Nancy Friday, author of “My Mother My Self"
I had a lovely chat with the delightful Billy Mann on my IC show this week. I must say he is the epitome of Irish charm! We talked about so many different things. From the recent closing of his hair-salon, due to the Coronavirus, to how he first came across the Understanding of the 3 Principles.
Amongst the many things we discussed was his relationship with his mother. He shared how coming across the Principles helped him see his mother, not just as a mother, but as a woman too. A woman who had gone through her own difficulties in life. Difficulties that had helped form the woman and mother she became. With this new insight, Billy was able to make peace with their relationship. So much so, he spent the last nine months of her life, visiting her daily and enjoying what little time they had left together.
Billy’s story and mine are very similar in many ways. We’d both had complicated relationships with our mothers, and both our mothers had slipped into dementia before their deaths. Like Billy, it was coming across the 3 Principles that really helped me make peace with my past.
As a young child, I had worshipped my mother. She was everything to me. When you’ve only got one parent, it’s not uncommon to idealize them in this way. Nothing worse than “pissing off” the only parent you have when your life depends on them! It was much easier for me to blame my absent father for the painful episodes in my childhood. It was only when I reached my thirties that I tapped into some anger I was holding towards my mother.
I feel incredibly grateful for having come across the 3 Principles when I did. The understanding helped me see that my mother was doing the best she could, given her level of consciousness and her thinking at the time. Understanding about separate realities has helped me let go of trying to figure out why she made some of the choices she had.
Thanks to this understanding, I was able to spend the last few years of my mother’s life honoring her for all that she was and all that she did for my six siblings and me, as opposed to what she hadn’t done. She really was quite a remarkable woman. She was a free spirit who danced to the beat of her own drum. She was a fighter and a maverick who came from nothing and went on to build a highly successful business all on her own. I feel incredibly blessed to have had her as my mother.
My childhood was unconventional, to say the least, but I wouldn’t change a thing. I look back now with gratitude for all my experiences. They have helped shape me into the woman I am today.
With love and appreciation, Del💕