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Confidence is an Inside Job

I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence, but it comes from within. It is there all the time - Anna Freud

I had great fun chatting with Lana Bastianutti and Linda Ford on my IC show this week. Both Linda and Lana had been coaching for many years before they came across the 3 Principles Understanding. 

Although their practices had been thriving, they both felt that something was missing. They loved working with their clients but felt that there was something else they could be doing to help alleviate their client's suffering. Linda and Lana began to question whether the old methods of Psychotherapy and coaching they were implementing were leading to the sustainable change they were hoping for. 

This existential crisis set them both on a journey in search of something new. Linda and Lana's paths crossed when they found themselves in a workshop that introduced them to the Principles. They knew that they had found the answer to what they were looking for. Wanting to share their newfound discovery with a broader audience, they decide to write a book together. 

Their decision to write their book on 'Women and Confidence' was easy. It was born out of their own issues around confidence and that of their clients too. During their years of coaching, they encountered so many women who were brilliant, talented, smart, hardworking, and capable, yet still suffering from self-doubt. Women who held themselves back and played small. Women who fell into the trap of believing that one more qualification would give them the confidence they were looking for. This was true for my clients and me too.

Prior to coming across the Principles, I had spent most of my life suffering from Codependency. And as such, it was only natural that I would want to help others who were suffering from the same debilitating condition. I became a certified coach specializing in the area of Codependency and Narcissistic Abuse. At the core of Codependency, there is a misguided belief that we are less-than and somehow deficient. Due to our lack of confidence, we find ourselves looking to the outside world for validation. This erroneous belief can leave us open and vulnerable to be taken advantage of.

Despite all the work I had done on myself and all my training, I still felt broken and inferior. I was always on the lookout for the next best thing I could do to improve myself and rid me of my low self-esteem and bring me the confidence I so desperately yearned for. I had a library full of self-improvement books that could rival the self-help section of Barnes and Noble. Like Band-Aids, my walls were covered with certificates and qualifications I had gained in an attempt to cover the gaping wounds of my insecurities. 

Armed with my insecurities and low self-esteem, I faked my way through life. I had mastered the art of hiding them from the world. On the outside, I looked confident and capable. While on the inside, I lived with self-doubt and the constant chatter of negative self-talk. Playing small, I managed to fly under the radar. I hide in the wings of life, afraid of being found out, criticized, and ridiculed. 

Once I came across the understanding of the Principles, I saw that the insecure thoughts that resided in my head were not speaking the truth. They were a simple misunderstanding. I realized that I didn't need to listen to them or take them seriously. When I stopped paying attention to them, my mind settled, and I dropped back into my natural state of innate wellbeing.

From this quiet space within, I saw that spiritually we are all created equal and that I had innocently forgotten who I was at my essence, which is perfect, whole, and complete. Nothing damaged, nothing broken, and nothing lacking.

I saw that I had been looking in the wrong direction. Confidence was not out there. Confidence was not an elusive attribute to be gained from working harder and achieving more. On the contrary, confidence is an inside job. Something we are inherently born with. Something we can never lose. Something available to us all when we remember who we are at our essence.

With love and appreciation, Del 💕

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