“Those we love don’t go away they sit beside us every day” - Liane Moriarty
I had the honor of speaking with Grace Kelly on this week’s Insightful Conversations. Grace generously agreed to come on to the show to share her story of love and loss, having recently lost her beloved fiancé, Francesco. Francesco, a healthy young man, unexpectedly died from a heart attack back on December 5th, 2020. As fresh as Grace’s pain is, she wanted to share her experience of how the loss of Francesco has impacted her life. Grace says she feels compelled to share her story to help others who are struggling with losing someone they love. She wants people to know that there is another way to go through the inevitable grief of losing a loved one that doesn’t have to take us entirely down.
Grace says that she could never have imagined that she would react to the loss of Francesco in the way that she has. She feels like a spiritual protection has emerged and is carrying her through this difficult time. Like many people, Grace had a preconceived idea of what grief should look like. To the point that she is surprised at how well she is doing under the circumstances. Grace says her understanding of the Principles has helped her see that Francesco’s spiritual essence is still present; it’s only the form that has changed. She feels Francesco’s energy around her every minute of every day. He communicates with her in so many ways, from helping her with technical issues, such as cell phone passwords, to sending her messages through dancing fish. You’ll have to listen to the show to hear more about this.
Grace also talks about how she sees this loss as a doorway to understanding love on a much deeper level. She recognizes that when Francesco was alive, she spent a vast amount of her time in her head thinking about their relationship. Thoughts such as, should we really be together? Should we stay in Italy or should we move elsewhere? Or should we get married, or maybe we shouldn’t get married. There was a lot of to and fro and a lot of trying to understand love from an intellectual perspective. Now, Grace says all that is left is a deep, profound love and appreciation for Francesco and the precious time they spent together.
Grace is not in denial. She isn’t indulging in a spiritual bypass. Her grief is real and palpable. She admits there are certain times in the day when she is in a low state of mind, and her grief is overwhelming. Knowing that this is an integral part of the healing process, Grace allows these feelings to flow through her. She also knows better than to try and control her feelings, judge them, or stuff them down. There is no timeframe for grief. It takes as long as it takes. Grace trusts that her feelings of loss and grief will move through her in their own time, allowing her to return to her natural state of wellbeing and resilience.
Grace is also conscious not to add an additional layer of suffering on top of the grief she is already dealing with by listening to insecure thoughts of the past or the future. Grace recognizes that when she indulges fearful thoughts of what her life without Francesco will look like, it takes her down further. She also knows that going into the past with thoughts of, “I wish I had done things differently,” creates more unnecessary suffering. Instead, Grace remains in the present moment. Her gratitude for the ten years she and Francesco spent together and his ever-present energy gives her the courage and strength to face each day as it comes.
I so resonate with what Grace shared. A couple of years ago, I lost my sister, my sister-in-law, and my mother in the space of eight months. As hard as it was to lose three of my family so close together, I was so grateful for the understanding of the Principles. As my mother died in my arms, I was acutely aware that her spiritual essence had left her body but was still very much around me. My lack of visible grief by other people’s standards had them question whether I was in shock or denial. I was in neither.
To me, death is not final. Love never dies. I know that as a spiritual being having a human experience, we incarnate from the world of the formless to the world of form, and back again. Knowing that our loved ones who have passed on are always present, if not still visible to us, is very comforting to me. In one of my “chats” with my mother, I joked that now we can be together all the time. There is no need for me to take a British Airways flight from my home here in California to visit her back in the UK.
With love and appreciation, Del 💕