“The purpose of a relationship is not to have another who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your completeness” - Neale Donald Walsch
Change is in the air. I have decided to listen to my wisdom and take an indefinite hiatus from recording my Insightful Conversations shows. I’d been feeling a bit burnt out and knew intuitively that it was time to slow down and make room for spontaneity and for something new to arise. Exciting prospects are in the works. But in the meantime, I will be re-running some of my favorite interviews from over the years.
This week’s show was originally recorded back in May 2019 with the lovely Elsie Spittle. As many of you know, Elsie was one of the very first students of Sydney Banks. In fact, Elsie and her husband Ken knew Syd before he had his enlightenment experience.
I love the story Elsie shares of how initially it was hard for her to accept the transformation she saw in Syd. At first, she was resistant and wanted the old Syd back. The disgruntled Syd who was always complaining about the conditions of the pulp mill where he and Ken worked. Elsie didn’t like the new Syd. She didn’t like how happy and content he’d become. She didn’t like seeing how he and his wife Barb seemed so much happier. Furthermore, she didn’t like the change in the dynamic of their friendship. Misery loves company, and Syd was no longer miserable!
Over time, Elsie began to see that the transformation she had witnessed in Syd was permanent. This was not a passing phase. Slowly she let down her guard and began to listen to Syd’s teachings. Pretty soon, she too began to experience positive changes in her life and in her relationship with Ken which was going through a rough patch. Elsie and Ken have now been happily married for over 56 years. Elsie attributes the health and longevity of their marriage to the understanding of the Principles.
One of the things that struck me the most when I first came across the Principles was how many of the original teachers seemed to be happily married. In addition to Elsie and Ken, there was George and Linda Pransky, Dicken and Cozie Bettinger, Bill and Linda Pettit, and Jan and Chip Chipman, to name but a few. They all seemed blissfully happy and in love with each other, more like newlyweds, as opposed to couples that had been together for decades.
This is not unusual. I also ascribe the success of my long-term relationship to the 3 Principles. The following are just a few examples of how these teachings positively impact how I now show up in my relationship.
Before coming across the Principles, I had the expectation that my partner should see the world as I did. Learning that each of us lives in our own separate thought-created reality helped me let go of this presumption. Now there is room for each of us to experience life independently, which inevitably leads to a more harmonious relationship.
The second insight I had was that our personalities are not set in stone. When I recognized that we are continually changing and evolving, it gave me the opportunity to let go of any preconceived ideas of who I thought my partner was. Now that I see him fresh and new each day, it helps to keep the spirit and vitality of our relationship alive.
The third insight I had was when I realized that we are all doing the best we can, given the level of our consciousness and the quality of our thinking in the moment. Seeing each other’s psychological innocence helps me take things less personally when my partner is in a low mood.
Lastly, when I began to see that we live in an “inside-out world” as opposed to an “outside-in world”, I began to take responsibility for how I experienced my life. Knowing that we live in the feeling of our thinking, moment to moment, I stopped trying to control or blame my partner for how I was feeling.
These are just a few examples of how studying the Principles over the years has contributed to me maintaining a happy, fulfilling, and loving relationship. I am forever grateful for what I have learned and for the positive role models of teachers such as Elsie and Ken.
With love and appreciation, Del 💕